The Guide to Gaining Maximum Credits After a Mass Shooting

Mass shootings are back—America is healing—make sure you’re on the correct side of the narrative before your sympathies are questioned.

Follow this script and you will never run afoul of the MSM narrative thread.

*SCENARIO: Initial reports of a mass shooting begin to take shape.

Step 1: Rush to open Twitter and fire off a tweet concerning the evils of “white supremacy” and—now the more fashionable—“whiteness”. Share mugshots of other white mass shooters, preferably in a collage. Don’t wait for clarification on whether the shooter was actually white or any other details whatsoever. Just let it rip. There is plenty of time to reorient later.

*Side Note* It’s perfectly acceptable now to use terms like “white-Hispanic,” “white-Muslim,” and “white-Adjacent”. Feel free to pepper them in.

Step 2: Don’t get caught up in the waves of praise and applause you are now receiving. It’s time to stay vigilant. You didn’t give a shit about the victims before, but now that you’ve publicly established that you’re a #resister, it’s time to find out whose lives have just ended and fit them into your narrative.

Step 3: The victims include at least one non-white person. Fire off another…